Bittersweet Christmas
I've spent a good part of my adult life having minimal contact with my family, both immediate and extended. This is partially because of circumstances and partially out of choice. And since my father died in 1995, the family contact has dwindled to almost nil.
I keep in contact with an aunt through IM and perhaps two phone calls a year with my sister, and that's about it. I've not seen my brother or sister in over a decade. I've had no contact whatsoever with my brother in over two years, his choice, not mine, for reasons only known to him. I live near my father's extended family, but they cut off whatever sporadic contact they had with me immediately after his death. I've never been invited to share any sort of holiday gatherings with them since that time. They've never approved of how I live my life, and now that he's gone, they feel no need to continue any charade of a family relationship. That's ok, because I don't especially approve of their fundamentalist lifestyles any more than I approve of my libertine one.
So, for several years now, Christmas has been a quiet, largely uncelebrated day for me. Some years, as with last year, I'm able to spend it with a lover, but mostly my lovers are unavailable to me on that day, as they have families to spend it with and my presence at any of those celebrations would elicit too many unwanted and unwelcome questions. I usually make sure to find lovers to visit on the days approaching Christmas and directly after, which has worked out well for me. This year, my primary lover is spending Christmas up north with her parents, and no others will be available, so I'll be here with my son, who will no doubt spend most of the day asleep.
For most of the year, I am quite happy with remaining aloof from my family, but that all changes at Christmas time, when I miss my parents most, the warm family relationship I experienced as a child, and the Christmases we shared. The last such Christmas for me was Christmas 1970, when I was twelve years old. By the time Christmas 1971 came, my father, siblings, and I were still reeling from my mother's death in late October of that year. For as long as my father lived, Christmas always had a somber tone to it, as Christmas was also his wedding anniversary. This was alleviated somewhat after his grandchildren arrived, but Christmas always remained an occasion for him to grieve anew.
If it were possible, I'd choose to go spend Christmas in 1970.
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all my readers.
I'm sorry Christmas is a bit melancholy for you. My Father died on
December 5th so I understand longing and memories at this time of year.
It's especially hard, although I must admit my husband, children and family
make it much easier. I hope you have a nice Christmas day Will.
Hey don't feel bad, I haven't had a normal Christmas since my sister passed
away ten years ago and since then I have spent Christmases working {by
choice} and with co-workers. I used to get really depressed about it but I
have grown to a new place and this place no longer hurts me like it used
to. Merry Christmas to you and we can all be Thankful for Our blogging
world where we are never alone.
Holidays are, themselves, breaks from routine. Each holiday calls out to us
to spend time in a way that is in one way or another unusual. Christmas is
one of the few holidays that is more or less universal in our culture:
Christians, of course, celebrate it; Jews have Hanukkah (and have expanded
it to be in some ways more Christmas-like; many of us who live secular
lifestyles embrace it as well, either because we grew up with the religious
traditions or just because it's so darned prevalent in our culture. It's
even one of the major breaks in schooling! More than just about any other
holiday on the calendar, except maybe Thanksgiving, Christmas is understood
to be about spending time with family. When we don't have much in the way
of family or don't have much contact with the ones we do, there's a
cognitive dissonance that ensues.
If I could take my kids, I'd go spend my Christmases in 1970 too.
I guess I'm thinking along the same lines as Sherck, that it is what we
make it and that traditions grow and change, pass and are created anew.
Family is much the same. We are born with family and then we choose family.
While I am blessed with an abundance of very imperfect family with whom to
spend the holiday I have always thought that, should that change one day,
it would be a great day to volunteer. When I flew, I was very lucky in that
I always got some part of the holiday at home, although it sometimes
involved grueling schedules like working from midnight Christmas Eve until
9 Christmas morning, so I didn't miss anything 'cept sleep. Anyway, this
has made me keenly aware (as I know you are also) of those workers
(hospital, airlines, public safety, etc.) whose jobs don't take holidays,
and they are all supported by volunteers.
I wasn't asking for sympathy or suggestions, I was just stating facts.
Well, you're going to get a little sympathy anyway. Take care.
Perhaps it was more empathy than sympathy, and the suggestions were more
just thinking out loud. Some of us have it in our nature to jump in with
ideas. I meant no offense, dear one. Peace to you this day.
I would like to designate sophmom as my official spokesperson--she said
well what I was thinking.
These comments have been invaluable to me as is this whole site. I thank
you for your comment.
