I've seen this meme on several blogs, but I've not seen it on any blogs written by men. So, I thought I'd do it for readers wanting to see a male perspective.


My home:

1. What kind of soap is in your bathtub right now?
Dollar store brand green deodorant soap.

2. Do you have any watermelon in your refrigerator?
No, I despise watermelon.

3. Is there anything moldy in your refrigerator?
Hell, yeah -- the whole fridge is a science project!

4. Are there any dirty dishes in your sink?
No, but it's not because I'm a neat freak. I use paper plates and plastic silverware, so I don't create dirty dishes in the first place.

5. What would you change about your living room?
New furniture and more bookcases.

6. Are the dishes in your dishwasher clean or dirty?
No dishwasher and see question 4.

7. Do you have a can of mushrooms in your pantry?
No.

8. White or wheat bread?
Whatever is cheapest, so usually white.

9. What is on top of your refrigerator?
The cat carrier and lots of dust.

10. What color is your sofa?
A green, brown, and beige pattern.

11. What color or design is on your shower curtain?
No shower curtain.

12. How many plants are in your home?
None. I have a brown thumb, and the cats would eat them, anyway.

13. How many candles are in your home?
None at the moment.

14. Is your bed made right now?
Hell, no. That's a pointless waste of time.

15. If you have a coffee pot, what color is it?
No pot, as I hate coffee.

16. Electric or standard can opener?
Manual.

What happened to 17-26?

27. Comet or Soft Scrub?
Comet, it makes you sink turn green
Comet, it tastes like gasoline
Comet, it makes you vomit
So, get some Comet
And vomit
Today!

28. Is your closet organized?
Are you fucking kidding me? My closet is like on the Three Stooges -- you open the door and an avalance of shit comes tumbling out, and a bowling ball will come down on your head from the top shelf.


29. What color is the flashlight that you use the most?
Black metal MagLite from my police days.

30. What kinds of things are in your junk drawer?
Pens and markers that don't write, pencil nubs, dead batteries, receipts, phone cords, loose playing cards, expired condoms, action figures from when my son was a kid, post it notepads, fingernail scissors, tacks, screws, nuts and bolts, hair bands, and other similar crap.

31. Do you drink out of glass or plastic most of the time at home?
I drink straight out of the container the drink came in, so neither. That's part of my campaign of not making dirty dishes. I even buy bottled water to avoid making dirty dishes.

32. Do you have iced tea made in a pitcher right now?
No.

33. If you have a garage, is it cluttered?
No garage or basement.

34. Curtains or blinds?
Both.

35. How many pillows do you sleep with?
Four. One under my head, with others placed in strategic locations to prop myself up with.

36. Do you sleep with any lights on at night?
No.

37. How many ceiling fans are in your home?
None.

38. How often do you vacuum?
When the dust bunnies become dust kangaroos.

39. Standard toothbrush or electric?
Regular

40. What color is your toothbrush?
Green.

41. Do you have a welcome mat on your front porch?
No, but I'd like to get one that said, "Go Away".

42. What is in your oven right now?
Not a damn thing.

43. Is your microwave clean or dirty?
Dirty, but not disgustingly so.

44. Is there anything under your bed?
Dust bunnies, condoms, books, pizza bones.

45. Chore you hate doing the most?
Cleaning anything.

46. What retro items are in your home?
I have an antique wooden bookcase that's about 100 years old. I also have a blanket chest that was made in the 1700s -- it was one of my mother's antiques.

47. Do you have a separate room that you use as an office?
No, but I'd like one. I use the table in the breakfast nook for my computer.

48. If you have a yard, who mows it?
My son.

49. Is there anything on your kitchen floor right now?
Dirt

50. How many mirrors are in your home?
Two. One in the bathroom, the other in the bedroom.

51. Do you have any hidden emergency money around your home?
Just the coins I'm saving to roll.

52. What color are your walls?
Some off-white dirty beige color. My son painted the walls in his room dark purple when he was a teenager.

53. Which rooms in your house have wallpaper?
None.

54. Do you have a peephole in your front door?
No.

55. Do you keep any kind of protection weapons in your home?
I used to have guns, but I just have knives now.

56. What does your home smell like right now?
Cats.

57. Fave candle scent?
Pine, bayberry, or something Christmas like, because it reminds me of my mother.

58. What kind of pickles (if any) are in your refrigerator right now?
None.

59. Who are in the pictures you displayed?
My family.

60. What color is your favorite bible?
I'm an agnostic, so this is N/A for me.

61. Do you have plenty of cabinet space in your kitchen?
I don't cook, so what is there is more than sufficient

62. Ever been on your roof?
Hell, no.

62. Do you own a stereo?
Yes

63. How many tvs do you have? .
One

64. How many house phones?
One.

65. Do you have a housekeeper?
No, but every now and then a lover will clean my house when it gets too messy for them.

66. What style do you decorate in?
Early hodge-podge? Who the fuck knows. Everything in the house is a castoff, anyway.

67. Do you like solid colors in furniture or prints?
Doesn't matter.

68. Is there a smoke detector in your home?
Yes.

68. In case of fire, what are the items you would grab if you only could make one quick trip?
Cats, wallet, and hopefully some photos and books.

69. Do you know how to work your electrical box?
Yes.

70. What temperature in your home is most comfortable to you?
64. I like keeping the house like a meat locker in summer so that I can forget it's summer outside. 70 is fine in the winter.

tags: survey  house  humor  

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