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The Language of Relationships
Quite often, the English language has not kept pace with current realities in our ever-evolving society. Take the language of relationships, for example.
When referring to the person with whom one is having an unmarried intimate relationship, the terms most overwhelmingly used are “boyfriend” or ”girlfriend”. These words are universally used, regardless of the age of those involved, circumstances, or type of relationship.
Am I the only one who finds the idea of a grown woman referring to a man in his 40s as her “boyfriend” to be totally ludicrous? Does anyone agree that a man who is not married to the mother of his children but refers to her simply as his “girlfriend” to be making more than a little bit of an understatement?
To me, the words “girlfriend” and “boyfriend” bring up visions of fifteen year olds “going steady”, exchanging class rings, and going to the prom. These terms are both absurd and inadequate to refer to adult relationships.
“Boyfriend” and “girlfriend” hearken back to a time when most people got married in their late teens and stayed married until death do us part. There weren’t enough unmarried adults in the many different types of relationships we see today to need having terms that described mature unmarried non platonic relationships.
Despite the fact that new words are routinely coined to reflect changing realities, the English language has not evolved much in the realm of relationships. From time to time, there have been attempts to address this lack of appropriate relationship terms, but such attempts haven’t succeeded to any great degree.
“Partner” enjoys some popularity in the gay community, but has not caught on among heterosexuals largely because many view this word as referring only to gay relationships, and others think it sounds too businesslike. “Significant other” is awkward to use, “paramour” sounds too hoity-toity, “fuckbuddy” is too blunt, and so on.
Personally, I prefer to use the word “lover”, because that’s what they are to me. I also will refer to lovers simply by their names, without explaining the type of relationship. Or I merely call them a “friend” and let the person I’m talking to figure out just what kind of friend they are to me on their own.
Thoughts?
ah yes, 'lover' works. i like 'significant other'. i just despise labels. i
do think that if you are 40 years old, introducing someone as your
boyfriend/girlfriend does seem a little young, but maybe it's one of those
'fun flings' and if you use those terms, it makes you feel young again. (?)
not that fourty is old, of course. :)
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Lover and friend work very well with the people I know. Most are very
comfortable with this. You can tell the range of ages by what people call
their lovers here. Under 35 it's usually girl/boy friend.
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Boy/Girl friend seems a wee bit juvenille and I tend to believe it reflects
the speakers attitude towards that gender.
Peraonally I go with partner.
"Partner in time, partner in crime" I always say.
peace,
fs
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Friend. It's nobody's business, anyway. ;-)
sm
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I enjoy the word "lover" - it seems personal, intimate, and brings about
that small "knowing" and secret smile. Of course, some folks to don't want
people making assumptionsn based on a word (especially if you aren't lovers
in a technical sense) and your partner might not care for it much.
If you aren't ready to simply put the "we're having sex" or "we're really into each other" out there to others, I'd defer to friend (with a small smile that says everything you don't have to speak aloud).
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An afterthought:
There's always the "This is my close friend..." option.
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Since when did making known the specifics of my relationship with a person,
romantic or otherwise, become a mandatory part of introduction?
I agree
with SM. Nobody's business.
(High 5's SM )
(who, for those who think
its their business, is NOT my lover)
(yet)
(however... she is looking rather hot with her painted lips and toenails)
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ROTFLMAO! Thanks, J! You've made my day!! LOL!
:-D
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Among people that you know, the body language should already give the
relationship away at some point. And if you keep mentioning each other
together in conversation, that's another clue that you're probably
involved.
I don't even have a problem with senior citizens calling each other "boyfriend" and girlfriend", because that lays it right on the line. "Partner" gets a lot of use around here, and obviously if it's a man and a woman being introduced to you, you're not going to think that "partner" has any gay connotations! ;^)
It's just as well to say, "This is Chris" (or whoever), while giving your partner a quick pat or a hug. They'll get the message.
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I refer to my "partner" as my boyfriend:
1. Because I tend to play with
language and that is where the game is right now.
2. Because our
relationship is ... alternative ... we are not the couple that everyone
thinks that we are.
3. Because after 11 years that is where it is at.
4. Because it is fun to play with people who think they have the right
to judge my intimacies.
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Language is a slippery thing. Whatever works for you should
suffice.
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