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Political Correctness and Childbirth
Recently, I heard a group of women talking about fathers in the delivery room, breastfeeding, "natural" childbirth, and the like. They were all in agreement that fathers should witness their childrens' births, that mothers should have unmedicated births and should breastfeed afterwards. It would seem as if political correctness extends in how people have children.
And it seems as if my one connection to a child being born was in no way politically correct, according to these women's standards. And the hospital staff where my son was born made no bones in conveying their disapproval for our choices.
I was not present in the delivery room for my son's birth, though I sat with her a good bit in the labor room. She was reticent about the matter, and I wasn't really eager to see it, either. I also thought the medical team could do their jobs better if I were not there underfoot as well.
I don't have a problem with couples who want to share this experience, but I scratch my head at those who want to make a big production about it: filming it, allowing every relative, friend, and acquaintance up to and including the mailman to be there watching, too. It seems to be a very private, personal thing that should be limited to the couple responsible for it.
She also wasn't interested in being a hero by going for unmedicated birth. Both of us were wanted the ordeal to be as smooth and pain-free as medically possible. We both had the idea that pain = bad. We considered that as long as the baby was born alive and healthy, how one chose to give birth was immaterial.
The ex also chose not to breastfeed, as she didn't want to have to be the one who always got up in the middle of the night to feed him. And, yes, I took my turn at this quite a few times. It also allowed her to go back to work without worrying about the logistics of how the baby was to be fed. As it turned out, with her running off before he was a year old, this was one less logistical problem I had to deal with when I was left to raise him alone.
Pretty much, though, we didn't see anything wrong with how our parents had handled these matters when we were born and saw no reason to change.
Thoughts?
One of my biggest pet peeves is women and men both who feel they have to
dictate how others live and give child birth. I have had to take care of
way too many woman effected emotionally by the choices they made not to
breast feed or such. They are made to feel guilty and less of a woman and
mother. If I had a penny for every tear shed from these woman I would be
rich. I have wanted for a long time now to post something about this
subject and how woman are their own worse enemies in many ways.
People are welcome to extoll the benefits of this way of doing it or that,
but in the end how someone else has a baby is no one's business but the
people having the baby.
I think I would recommend some things to expectant parents and speak of my
own experience. I would not push my beliefs on them. I do believe that
first time parents do need some input from others, so they would be able to
ask questions of their doctor and be able to decide from many options. Also
it may give them a reality check. Sometime relying on just yourself can be
dangerous. A newborn died, simply because a mother who was committed to
breast feeding, felt that because her baby was quite he was getting enough
to eat. The baby had starved to death, before its first prenatal visit.
Many years ago we would get interference from our mothers, we may not have
like it, but it helped us. I'm not saying it doesn't happen today, but
families are much more isolated, now. BTW, I breastfed.
Hey that shot was invented for a reason, for US women to no longer feel the
pain of bearing children, these people freak me out. Especially the men who
think they know what's up. Com'on if you men had to deliver, wouldn't you
want it to be pain-free!!! And even when they shoot you up it feels like
you have to take a huge shit, the whole entire experience is rather
disgusting but one that keeps humanity going. And one that I lived thru and
never breastfed either, he was only five pounds and my breats were like
twenty. No thanks the bottle suited just fine and my kid happens to be
smarter than the rest. Of course a typical mother would say that of her
son.
Interesting timing... listening to NPR's Fresh Air program, there's a woman
on who wrote a book about birth. Tina Cassidy, Birth: A History of How
We Were Born. One point she made was that natural child births have
really declined in recent times, with epidurals being almost standard at
this point.
When we had our first child we did do the Lamaze thing, I was the breathing
coach. Both of us wanted me to be there, and both of us didn't want anyone
else there but the medical team. Either of us would have shot anyone
pointing a camera at my wife during this too. I am very glad I was there,
it was very meaningful to both of us for me to be there. That being said I
would not think any less of anyone who made a different choice. My father
would not have watched any of us being born on pain of death, and my mother
would not have wanted him there. I've always wondered why people feel the
need to make their choice and then mandate others choose the same.
My wife breastfeed for a while, but it was not working very well for several reasons, and after the first couple of weeks we moved to the bottle. Again, nobody had any right to make that decision for her.
Now my wife is pregnant again, and I plan on being there again, and she will likely breastfeed for at least a couple of weeks if she can because it does have some health benefits, but likely will move to the bottle down the road too.
As far as medicated birth I will tell you what my wife told a nosy woman who demanded to know if she had, "Done the right thing and had a natural child-birth!?" She said, "When I was in an advanced state of labor it hurt like hell, so NATURALLY, I used modern medicine and used pain killers!"
The woman looked shocked, and I laughed my butt off.
I don't believe that anyone has the right to tell anyone else how to have
their children. In fact, I had to fight to nurse my babies because my
husband and his family were so violently against breast feeding. It's not
as easy as it looks and to do it without the support of one's family is
difficult. I gave birth three times. The first time, an epidural was forced
upon me because the baby was coming and the doctor wasn't there. I went
from being minutes away from giving birth to everything stopped and
suspended. My son ended up being born five hours later. Spinal anesthesia
inhibits a birthing mother's ability to feel enough to push the baby out.
What would have been an uncomplicated delivery ended up being a forceps
delivery (he was sunny side up - facing my anterior rather than posterior)
because of the epidural. I chose to have the next two without it. I don't
believe it's coincidental that the frequent use of spinal anesthesia on
birthing mothers has been accompanied by a sharp rise in the number of
cesarian sections. JMHO. Unmedicated delivery isn't for everyone, but for
me it was considerably easier (and not because they were second and third
births - the second one had other complications, like a 14" head).
I don't think there was any one in the room when I was born and I know I
was not breast fed! Other then my life getting turned upside down when my
Mom died, I think I turned out OK. If I were to have kids now, I would have
my husband wait outside until the baby is born (I wouldn't even want to
watch) after baby pops out I would want him there. I hate pain so give me
drugs!
Get out of my bedroom, out of my pants, and out of my body. These things
are too personal for other's opinions on how it should be done.
