The Nature of Cheating

I don't think it is that easy. Getting married changes things, whether you plan it that way or not. Even if you wife is OK with you continuing in nonmonogamy, you still have other expectations of your behavior.

One of those expectations is from your other lovers. We all know in some times and places a third party could be held liable for a failing marriage because of that third parties interference. Women may not mind being "not the only one", but if you are married, women will see an affair with you in different terms.

Of course, I am not as experienced with women as the Libertine. Nor am I an amature, married twice and a few gf's, but I just cannot picture being able to have affairs as a married man without telling lies to your mistress, and we all agree that lying is the worst thing a libertine can do.

Don't worry, I'm not planning on getting married any time soon.

Agreed.

Fair enough.

This is what escapes me, though: I love a variety of women. I don't fall out of love with women so much as get dreadfully bored and end up wanting new experiences. But how?

What I don't get about libertinism, and I have read quite a few of these links without finding the answer, is the thorny question of women's expectations. They always want to lasso us in. If they don't get thier way, they leave, and are usually not too pleased about it. Do you just have to accept the fact that good women will be driven off?

Yes, the boredom thing and the need for variety are two of the biggest things that get me itching for someone new. I'm able to head that off for longer, however, when I don't put all my eggs (sperm?) in one basket. When I don't see any one lover 24/7, day in, day out, in a domestic situation, but am able to vary it with other lovers (I currently have eight friends with benefits), along with the occasional random hookup, it takes longer for the boredom with any one partner to set in.

Judo John, you sound as if you might be better served by polyamory, rather than straight libertinism. Google that to read about how it differs from libertinism.

You're only partially correct about women leaving, as not ALL women are that way. There are most assuredly female libertines who want exactly the same out of a relationship that I do. And some women at different stages and circumstances in their lives are more open to friends with benefits relationships that at other times. There are, believe it or not, many women whose lives are too busy or chaotic or they're happy with their lives as they are to want the complications of a committed relationship, yet they still have sexual needs and want to get laid every so often. That's where I step iin.

And for the ones who can't take it any more and leave, yes, I've had to let a few good ones go. But I'm guessing that even if I gave in to them and entered into a monogamous relationship, that I'd sooner or later be miserable like an eagle in a golden cage and the relationship would end anyway.

Right on. I am lucky enough to have an understanding wife. I told her all about a time I had a one night stand while married to my first wife, and how much of a turn on it was for me to see my wedding ring pressed against another womans thigh. And she married me anyway!

In fact, our official wedding certificate came in the mail with my montly Playboy, both wrapped together......

So she doens't expect "sexual fidelity" from me, but instead honesty and safety.

In fact, Playboy had the joke this month: "Son, now that you are getting married, you have to know the secret of a happy marriage: Keep one night open for the boys. And don't waste that night on the boys."

I guess it is honesty and safety then, if I develop anything on the side. I really despise the guy who slips off his wedding band before talking to a girl in a bar-that is disrespectful to the girl and to his wife. Back to the orignal post, if being honest about my intentions and marriage status keeps me from getting laid, so be it, rather an ethical slut than a liar.

My folks tried the open marriage thing when I was young, as did many of their friends. Only one of those marriages survived. I'm not one to tell others how to run their lives, but I haven't seen that model work very well.