My Liberal Identity:
You are a Reality-Based Intellectualist, also known as the liberal elite. You are a proud member of what’s known as the reality-based community, where science, reason, and non-Jesus-based thought reign supreme.
Take the quiz at www.FightConservatives.com
True Love Waits -- True Lust Won't
In the last few years, I've heard about fundamentalist Christians and other conservative groups pushing for an"abstinence-only" agenda for sex education programs in American high schools. Such "education" typically precludes any mention of contraception, safer sex techniques, or abortion. According to "True Love Waits", a fundamentalist organization devoted to "sexual purity" before marriage for high school and college students:
"Sexual purity includes abstaining from intercourse until marriage, but that is not all it means...being sexually pure means not even dwelling on thoughts of sex with someone other than a spouse...Until you are married, sexual purity means saying no to sexual intercourse, oral sex, and even sexual touching. It means saying no to a physical relationship that causes you to be "turned on" sexually. It means not looking at pornography or pictures that feed sexual thoughts."
Oh, please! What kind of la-la land are these people living in? Sex is a basic human instinct, not to be easily thwarted by "Just Say No" tactics. Nature itself has designed human beings to desire sex once their hormones kick in during puberty; it's a normal fact of life. People can try to pretend that the elephant in the living room isn't there, but it's almost always a fruitless endeavor. The old expression "You can't fool Mother Nature" was never more true when it comes to sex.
Considering that many people nowadays do not marry until their late 20s and beyond, if at all, expecting total abstinence from any sort of sexual expression is laughably ludicrous, not to mention unrealistic to the point of fantasy. I'm thinking that the typical result for those who attempt to try to take such a philosophy seriously is an upswing of premature, ill-conceived marriages entered into for all the wrong reasons.
A sex education curriculum that does not include complete, frank information about contraception, safer sex, and abortion is just plain irresponsible. Some conservatives have insisted that teaching such information is like "playing with dynamite" and will only encourage teens to have sex. No, nature itself encourages teens to have sex and it is only to their benefit to have complete and accurate information in order to make informed choices. I can't see how "playing with dynamite" while also being blindfolded can benefit young people in any way.
That's not to say that I think that fourteen year olds ought to go out and get laid every weekend. But I also know that teens do have sexual thoughts, feelings, and desires and that the solution isn't simply to tell them to "just say no" until they have that magical marriage license in hand ten, fifteen or twenty years down the road. And abstinence education doesn't even address the sexuality of gay teens or those who might wish to pursue sexual options other than lifelong monogamous marriage..
Judith Levine points out in her excellent book, "Harmful to Minors", that it might be more realistic to educate teens in the various methods of sexual pleasure that do not include intercourse, such as mutual masturbation and oral sex. Such methods would likely help many to delay intercourse before they are ready to accept the responsibility for their actions. And those who go ahead, anyway, and have intercourse need to have the knowledge to prevent unwanted pregnancy and to lower risks of STDs.
As far as older teens go, once they've turned eighteen, their sex lives are entirely their own business just as it is for any other adult. I figure if they can vote, be drafted, sign contracts, and so on, then no one needs to tell them how to manage their sexuality, either.
With my own son, before he entered junior high, I made sure he knew about the mechanics of sex, along with methods of contraception and minimizing risk of STDs. I did not tell him when or how to have sex, other than to stress than any sex he would have must be totally consensual with a partner old enough to make that choice. This is basically as I was taught by my parents. I ended up as a libertine, my son has confined his sexuality to committed relationships only. Same advice, different results. This is not a bad thing, as it isn't necessary for everyone to do things the same way.
There is nothing particularly noble about a philosophy of virginal "purity", that assumes that there is something shameful and "dirty" about acting on one's desires unless it is in the confines of church and state-approved legal marriage. What is ethical and worthy of respect is to make fully informed sexual choices when one is willing to take responsibility for any consequences which may result.
Believe it or not humans aren't animals driven by instinct to mate. We have
a mind and a will. Sexual desire begins in the mind. If a man is a real man
he respects himself and the women he knows and exercises self-control. It's
a manly virtue. It's the little boys among us who treat women like all-day
suckers to be sexually available to them at their whim.
Thanks for your comment. I found it quite amusing -- I could almost see
you foaming at the mouth. ;-)
personally, i am sick and tired of adults trying to convince teenagers that
its all right to have sex as long as your safe. it is not a coincidence
that this past year, diseases in teens have sky rocketed because of how
simple it is to go to the CVS and buy a few condoms. I am 16 years old and
am hurt deeply that parents in America don't teach their young teens that
sex can be a beautiful thing if they wait for the right one. Do i have
hormones? of coarse! But i also have self control like every other human
being has been blessed with. How dare these people go into middle schools
and teach a fifth grader on sex and condoms! parents get involved and learn
what is being taught to your children and what is filling their minds. If
we had people coming in talking about how 'safe sex' is really just
patience til you get married, then we would have no need for children to
learn about condoms or unnatural ways to have sex. Sex is a gift from God
not to be abused, which is what this country and generation has done with
it. Many of my friends and I have made the Vow to stay sexually pure til
marriage (yes because of our conviction) but we want to experience the true
gift God has for us not half done but whole. i encourage all teens to wait
and have patience for the perfect one to be brought to you til you make
love. If you have sex because you like someones body and want to know what
they have to offer its not Love its Lust. Plain and simple. if you'v had
sex in the past and not married you can make the choice to stop and wait.
To all girls reading this:YOU ARE WORTH WAITING FOR! and dont let anyone
try to convince you otherwise
Challenging youth to wait until they are an adult for sexual activity is
one thing. Scaring the heck out of them and telling them a condom is a
provision for sin is a public health nightmare. Even the Lovers in the
Song of Solomon had sex in Chapter 2 then got married in Chapter 3. The
kind of ignorance Church leaders show about this kind of in-your-face
premarital sex within the Bible itself has gone on too long and I'm calling
it out. If you want to know more check my website. It's less expensive
than a Purity Ring and a lot more fun than abstinence.
Apropos of this post, my wife and I happened to watch A Very Duggar
Wedding, detailing the marriage of their oldest (I think) son, who
along with his now-wife waited until they were married even to kiss (and
only gave each other awkward "side hugs," presumably so they wouldn't touch
delicate parts through their clothing). Even so, it seemed pretty clear
from the lascivious way they held hands (it was like hand sex, I kid you
not), that even these bastions of moral purity couldn't live up to the high
standard of "True Love Waits" (though they appeared to do pretty well by
any rational standard--if such a thing actually exists in regards to this).
First I would like to respond to Mary Ann:
"Believe it or not, darling, humans are animals. We are carnal creatures
driven by our base instincts. Self-defense, protecting our kin,
reproduction, eating, excreting... these are all things that are done by
every creature in the animal kingdom including ourselves. Do you ever
wonder why we watch animals mate on the Animal Channel? Because they don't
have to wait for marriage!
All people have a mind and will... and that is the Great Fall of Man as
referenced in the whole of The Book of Genesis. We have a right to choice
and the ability to choose, and you should accept that as such.
That being said: Sexual desire does not begin in the mind. We are born
tabula rosa, blank slate, and are taught what to love and hate and lust
after... but even if we were locked in rooms of nothingness and not
attended to (as Hitler did in one of his many, horrid, experiments) we
would still respond to sexual stimulation and after feeling the pleasure of
orgasm, we would want to achieve that moment again... and again... and
again.
We were not created to only procreate.
It is the fool who believes that there is morality in this world.
We were made to make ourselves happy, healthy, and content.
If everyone did that, indulged in their desires, we would all be happier
people and be a lot more well adjusted to each other.
Women dying of birth control is out dated and irrelevant to this post.
Saying they were "collateral damage" is very degrading and disrespectful.
You being, the christian I am assuming you are, should know (of all people)
to treat the dead with the utmost respect.
"Real Men don't use others for their own selfish lust."
What a hypocrit you are! Who are you to say what defines a man and what
doesn't define a man?! Who are you to have any authority! You are just a
person sitting at a computer wasting your time reading something and
posting a response in a feeble attempts that you will make some dent in
someone's mind... when in reality anyone who reads this blog is probably
laughing at your, obvious, naivety and herd-thought mentality.
Ask the women who use men to their pleasure, the real women of history. The
ones who know their power over men, and use it accordingly. Oops, guess you
can't ask them...
cause they have died out and are replaced by cob-web vagina's like you.
thanks.
