I was talking with J the other day and she asked me, "Do you know just how hard it is to love someone who is nonmonogamous?" And then she proceeded to ask why it was that I was so opposed to legal monogamous marriage. After I'd once again rattled off my beliefs on the matter, it struck me. Why on earth should I be having to justify myself, especially when the monogamous do not feel as if they have to justify why they have chosen to conform to prevailing custom, as if it should be self evident?

Of course, this difference in belief is rarely a concern in strictly casual sexual encounters; perhaps that is why I usually feel more comfortable with them. There's no questioning the purpose of these encounters on either side, so I'm free to enjoy them for what they are, with no misunderstandings likely to arise. But the longer a casual sexual relationship goes on, especially if my partner is "single", the more likely I will eventually be called upon to justify my libertinism.

There have been some who would not change a thing about me and like me just the way I am, but rather often, there is an unspoken wish that I would eventually give up being nonmonogamous to settle down and be domesticated like "everyone else", out of love.

I am forty-six years old and the longest I've remained "faithful" to a particular partner is less than two weeks. So, I really cannot see such a thing as being likely to happen and I refuse to make that promise to anyone, knowing I have neither the desire nor the ability to do so. However, this doesn't mean I am incapable of loving someone on a long term basis. I can and I have. But I refuse to accept sexual fidelity as a condition of love. As I've stated countless times, sex and love are not synonymous and even though they many times happily coexist, many other times they just as happily do not.

So, I would say it is no doubt as hard for a libertine to love a conventionally mongamous person as it is the other way around. But I'd wager it is not a totally insurmountable barrier if those involved are motivated enough to make it work. It wouldn't be an easy thing, certainly, but then again, nothing worth having ever is.